Home1. BEING HUMANThe Good Feels of Boundary Setting – Take Your Permission Back & Live From the Heart Designed by Your Mind
October 18, 2019
The Good Feels of Boundary Setting – Take Your Permission Back & Live From the Heart Designed by Your Mind
This next post here at the GVL takes us down through the gateway to the empowering feels of boundary setting. It is time, my good human companions, to take your permission back and live from the heart, designed by your Mind.
Boundaries are an empowering skill to cultivate yet many people are seemingly without them, or unaware that they have the option to implement them. How we define our own boundaries, is really how we define the relationship we keep within.
Our reliable resource over at the dictionary.com give us this lovely little definition of a boundary:
I am very pleased to learn of the varietal in our lovely language that is English and the provided definitions above.
For our purposes for this post, we will be focused upon that which indicates bounds or limits, although the fact that a boundary can be framed as that of a frontier is a very good vibe.
Once you understand your own boundaries and implement them, it may just feel like a new frontier is on the horizon for you and your life experience.
Do you invest enough time and attention into who you are as an individual beyond that of the titles you keep?
A good portion of people are accustomed to doing for others before they do for themselves.
It is a lovely and wonderful concept but it is flawed.
If you provide for others before you nurture and cultivate an honest and authentic relationship to yourself then the cup from which you poureth doth prove to run dry.
One of the things I learned through my healing and awakening to the relationship to myself and higher aspects of my life existence is the importance of boundaries.
This world is made up of energy and there is a good portion of energy being recycled and circulated that is not indicative of the lightest of light.
Infusing wealth of time into oneself is a luxury in western society and it seems as if a good portion of the world are existing in their autonomic nervous systems in a de regulated fashion and state of stress.
One need only witness the irrationalities displayed as road rage to understand the realness of this truth.
Road rage is an accumulation of lack of awareness on everybody’s part so no one is really at fault. If you are not obeying the rules of the road, you are in a state of unawareness.
If you are becoming hateful and angry at people not obeying the rules of the road, then you are unaware that you are giving your emotional energy a good investment in something you cannot control and therefore are lacking awareness in yourself to be able to respond neutrally to such events.
In fact, if your state of being is in alignment with the higher aspects of yourself, then the laws of this world will not present you with any situation that you perceive as challenging.
As I state with frequency, you are the ambassador of your life experience by way of how you vibrate in this world.
Situations, people and circumstances are all reflections of what you have happening in your inner engineering and consciousness of self.
Your thoughts, your attitudes, your actions, your words, your beliefs, your willingness to be authentic….are all elements that rely on nothing and no one for their governance and control.
It’s all you!!
I suppose the only question left to ask is, are you willing to invest in yourself fully and take accountability for your creative role in your life experience?
We Are Connected.
All of us.
How we exist in our heart spaces and the regulation of our systems impacts those whom we share space.
When John Lennon talked about everyone needing love, that is an actual and tangible remedy to the dis ease you see rampant in many parts of the world.
Having love for ones own well-being is something that should be a priority and setting and implementing boundaries is an awesome way to get the ball rolling for your betterment and highest good.
To What Degree Do You Implement Boundaries In Your Personal Life?
Being able to delineate what you will and will not tolerate for your highest well-being is our foundation for effective boundary setting.
I am a person who does not tolerate abuse or any kind of unwarranted disrespect (exception is a growing and developing child and then guide them appropriately)
If someone demonstrates abuse or disrespect, I put up a boundary for that person immediately. The manner in which you allow people to come into your personal space and how you address the relationship you keep with them, is an indication of your own boundaries.
If you have a relationship with your family, for instance, that is not demonstrating respect of dignity to you, then your power lies in setting boundaries.
There is no law that states that just because you are related to someone, gives them the right to infringe upon your rights and freedoms as your own unique individual.
Your own boundaries are what you deem is appropriate, secure, reasonable and acceptable manners for other human beings to engage and interact with you and the guidelines and limits that you personally adhere to with a clear delineation and level of responsiveness when someone passes those limits.
I require the people around me and whom I share the details of my life with to be supportive.
In order for me to have supportive people in my life, I surround myself with people whom I respect and that I can learn from.
If someone demonstrates abuse or disrespect to me, I have a zero tolerance for such behaviours and will immediately dismiss entertaining any energy that is not indicative of expansion and well-being. It is cutthroat, but oh so necessary with the neural scape I entertain and that is a boundary I am very comfortable keeping and enforcing.
I have a tremendous sense of humour and a dark past so it takes a lot for me to perceive something as abusive and disrespectful, so when they are present in an individual’s mode of operandi, it proves remarkably informational as to what kind of other interactions one may entertain engaging with someone who demonstrates these tendencies.
Trusting in ones own ability to discern what they will and will not tolerate for their own sense of peace is a solid place to be.
Do You Implement Personal Boundaries?
I never understood the value of boundaries until I took to the task of healing my inner child.
I have very healthy and strong boundaries now as a woman, a life partner, a mother and a daughter. I have a caveat in all my interactions, no matter with whom, that I be treated with respect, dignity and peace.
I adhere to the mirror principle that is denoted in Transurfing (Vadim Zeland) in that as I put out, so shall I receive. In truth, the motivation is inherent in all of us to harness the aspects of our being that dwelling in the infinite possibilities we have at our disposal and to harness this gift through the expression of love.
Love for yourself, the work you infuse your energy into and the people whom you impact along the way. If you have lost the path and love is not present in your experience, then you should know it is always available to you – it is your inner work that will determine your connectivity to it.
No verbal, physical or psychological abuse will be tolerated if directed at me and/or my child and partner.
When you come out of healing complex trauma, this is a boundary that proves to keep your healing on a trajectory forward with expansiveness.
Being authentic is key in understanding what boundaries you will implement for your own unique, individual self.
Due to the nature of my wiring during the formative years of my development I have an energetic sensitivity to abuse and mistreatment of myself and others.
Now of course, anyone would be at a dissonance with disrespect and abuse, but as you may already have uncovered through your own experience or through witnessing that of others, is that demeaning words, practices and behaviours are not only widely accepted, but practiced.
A good amount of people are unconscious to these behaviours and how they impact and permeate their life experience.
Having an authentic conversation with yourself as well as taking a good look at your life, the present circumstances you find yourself and your investment into delineating what your primary belief systems are, are all worthy pursuits that can land you in the zone of knowing what and where your boundaries lie.
There is a quote that says “when people show you who they are, believe them.”
This is a very powerful mindset to encompass when it comes to dealing with people. I was ingrained with a natural and inherent ability to see the light in everyone.
This works against me, if I allow it, when it comes to the people who brought me into this world. I can see their light. I can see their nature of pure vibrant love energy and that is what I connect with but I am at the hands of their own dysfunction as they are in need of their own healing and nurturing.
You cannot change people and you cannot put your expectations upon people. It may seem counter-intuitive for you to hear that, because of course you expect that when you enter a marriage, for instance, that the other person will uphold their vows and you expect them to uphold their word.
This is flawed.
You cannot expect anything from anyone if you want to have true freedom and true happiness.
You have to develop a faith and trust so unwavering in your own abilities and intuition that you KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that who you are in relationship with, who you invest your life energy into, is the highest and best compliment to your best self.
I have worked 2 decades on and off in the service and hospitality industry. I have worked in television and film. I have had interactions with the affluent and influential, I have traveled to different parts of the world and have had some crazy adventures and the one consistent theme I recognize amongst all these encounters with such dynamic individual’s is that people lead double lives. They have a story happening over here and some shadow aspect of themselves over there.
Being able to courageously be your true self, shadow and all, is an honour you could totally gift yourself.
Authenticity is the key to uncovering what boundaries you wish to set for yourself. Being honest with yourself about your life is a huge win for you and even if it might be difficult to do so out of perceived obligations.
You are the ambassador of your experience.
If you have this, that and the other thing happening around you that is absorbing your attention and your energy, it is entirely you who is giving permission to these aspects to consume your attention and investment of self.
This is where boundaries are supremely advantageous for you as it will prove to delineate a space in which you cultivate for you, first and foremost.
Many mindsets and beliefs are cultivated that we are somehow responsible for the nurturing other peoples emotions.
That is not to say that you condone ill will and behaviour that lacks dignity to your fellow being, but that you have a fundamental understanding that you are who you are, you are free to be who you are and you are well within your right to express and nurture yourself to the degree that is appropriate to your own sense of self-worth.
Many modalities of belief systems are taught that you should put others before yourself.
Is that all kinds of ridiculous?
You are you and you are in your own body and nobody else.
The only human you ought to be fully committed to with unconditional love and gifting your full committed attention to, is yourself.
That is not to say to be narcissistic and selfish. Those are traits indicative of someone who has a very disconnected relationship with their best selves and indicates an opportunity for expansion.
When a person cultivates a relationship to themselves that is sync and in tune with the quiet yet formidably wise Soulspeak that exists within them, then they only prove to have an exponential impact of good on those around them.
How To Set Boundaries
Feel Your Feels
This is a good one. Our emotions are one of our body’s intelligence commanders. We were made to experience them and allow their energy to complete their circuitry.
Many times, people who have not cultivated boundaries, nor a solid inquiry into their own selves beyond that which is framed to them by the surrounding people, can not really have a tangible relationship or intelligence with the emotional aspects of their being.
Emotional regulation and esteem of the self are not implemented in modalities of education to the degree that they could be. Being given a manual on being human would prove to be a pretty solid vibe for everyone involved.
Understanding what emotions arise within you when you are faced with certain situations or interacting with certain people.
If these aspects of your interactions make you feel a way that is not congruent with your own alignment, you will feel a resistance within you.
We as humans thrive on the love vibe. It is the nature of our creation so how do you ensure you harness that for yourself?
Interactions that inspire in you the lower of emotions can be informational – either demonstrating to you your beliefs or demonstrating to you that if this person or particular situation is inspiring in you lower emotions, what is at the root of that?
You cannot make people accountable for your emotions.
People can certainly inspire emotion within you, but you are ultimately the last authority on how you demonstrate the expression of that energy within you.
That is within your governance entirely and it is up to you to decide what you will and will not tolerate in terms of how people understand you and either nurture you emotionally or provide you stress.
Ultimately, you discern and handle how your emotions impact your behaviours and decisions. Understanding yourself and listening to your feels can be the most informational tool you can use to determine and delineate your own boundaries.
Be Authentic & Direct
Having the courage to be direct and authentic about your specific aligned Heart and Mind combo is what will allow you to delineate the good feels for you in your life.
When you take yourself into consideration and determine for yourself what lights you up and what you want nothing more of in your experience, then you have just laid the foundation and framework for a solid human existence.
Bringing upwards and forth your own authentic longings and desires, truths and realities is what makes you uniquely your own person.
The sooner you are authentically honest and open about who you are, in your entirety, the easier it is for you to delineate and uphold your own boundaries.
When your boundaries are in a good space and being upheld, it means you are in a good space holding yourself. Delineating your own needs, desires and life path goals is your right as a human being with free will.
Delineating your own direction based on your own unique perceptions, needs, wants, desires, is a vibe that thrives, For you.
Give Yourself Permission
Being skilled at the boundary setting involves you having enough sense of self to courage to give yourself permission to do so. If you have been framed and labeled by the people around you and seek for peoples approval, then that is a game where you will lose every time.
Have the strength of will to give yourself permission to be exactly who you are and set boundaries appropriate to your individual experience.
If you were brutalized as a child repeatedly by a bat and you can’t be around bats now, then you have permission to set that boundary, but ideally you want to heal so wonderfully that the appearance of bats proves to have no ill effect for you.
To be authentically ones own takes courage. It forces you to take a look at yourself, where you are presently at, and how you have been creating.
Being true to yourself will do a wonderful amount of good to and for you in your life, even if you have fall outs and destruction, it is all part of your path. Choose from your heart and ride the vibe that makes you sing on the inside from head to toe. This life. Your choice.
If you had a near drowning experience at an early age and now it takes you a good amount of time to immerse yourself in any kind of water, then you have permission to take your time when everyone else is jumping in.
It is a good idea and a freedom practice to heal aspects of yourself so you don’t give all your power away to external objects or people but if an example such as above is your present truth, then you absolutely have the right to give yourself permission to express it and put up a boundary to honour that aspect of you and your experience for the betterment and nurturing of your health and well-being.
Self Awareness Cultivation
The best way for you to know how to set your own boundaries is to understand yourself and develop enough awareness of yourself to know where the majority of your focus is going.
There are the thoughts and words you speak to yourself inside and there is the external focus of your mind to people, events, situations.
You are an entity that is a formidable self-governing system of technology.
Being aware of your own consciousness and your own relationship to your habits of thought and habits of behaviour can show you what you may be recycling in your experience that does not serve you.
Meditation is a wonderful way to begin to develop a solid inner space for you to cultivate self awareness.
Acknowledge & Release Your Past
Many people hinder their present life experience by dwelling in the past.
I had this issue, and quantum law says that I am the creator, so I was creating a recycled trauma response for my own safety.
A person can only be traumatized so much without repair before it starts to create its own medley of incoherent craziness in the pristine and divine creation that is the human brain.
I have experiential knowledge that being subjected to repeated toxic stress and traumatic abuse is not a method that is a thrive vibe for a human system.
Trauma is a part of life, this universe is all-inclusive.
If you have any trauma that is residual from experiences, then clearing it out with breath work, self inquiry and the myriad of wellness and healing tools that are available to you will allow you to release your past.
If you set boundaries based out of fear, then you are not setting empowering boundaries.
Trauma requires repair because our systems are a divine expression of pure love. When you impose hate, abuse, intolerance, suppression, diminishment and demeanment to the system, it is only sensical to understand that a system created from the energy of pure divine love will begin to malfunction.
The sweet aspect of how wonderfully formidable we are though, is that too, can even be transformed. There is nothing that happened to you in your past that cannot be transcended today.
The first step in understanding how to do this, is to first cultivate a belief in it as a tangible possibility. You cannot step into something you do not acknowledge as being achievable. Develop a mindset in which you become resolute in your right to transform all that presents itself to you, as after all, you are the creator.
Yourself As A Priority
Give yourself permission to make yourself an utmost priority.
I invest a good lot of my life energy into my child and a part of that is demonstrating and modeling self care.
I teach him that nurturing him is my top priority but that there is no way for me to do so unless I first, nurture myself.
I invite him to observe the practices I keep such as yoga, qigong and meditation and allow him to decipher for himself what is the best avenue for him to express himself as a priority.
Running at 7am and bicycle riding through the forest he takes well to, and quite frankly, if we are a little late to school as a result of a lie in and some snuggles and a fun and adventuresome ride in nature using the power of our own bodies, then that is time well invested.
Those kinds of moments nurture the both of us and prove to elevate the both of us and those are the moments that need to be cultivated with consistent frequency. Just the other day I received this little gem on my studio work table.
You model self care to your children then they will become adults that do the same.
I could be the Mama Bear that forces my child to engage in the same activities that I engage in, but that is the beautiful aspect of raising a child with a conscious mindset.
My path is mine and his, is his alone. I can guide him and influence him but me and his Papa Bear support his individualtiy and right to free will.
This approach allows him to lead himself intuitively. As a result, he can choose and engage in pursuits that light him up rather than what we think is best for him.
That’s a level of freedom I would want as a child so that is exactly what we give.
When you look at the grand scheme of things, you have to admit in the divine simplicity of how nurturing our own needs is imperative to a life filled with the goodfeels that generate outcomes indicative of the highest and best aspects of ourselves.
When You Generate a Loving & Kind Relationship 2 Yourself & You Nurture The Most Authentic Version of Yourself Then You Show Up In Your Relationships & Your Life In A Vibe That Can Only Prove 2 Thrive.