The Art of Communication – Learn It & Thrive in a Good Vibe
The Power of Communication
Communication comes in many forms and today even more so with the popularity of social media – different forms of communication exist whether it be verbal, nonverbal, intuitive or indirect or directly, it is an essential entity and an integral aspect weaved throughout our life experience.
The power of words is a formidable power indeed. Words have the power to heal, divide, build, tear down, weaken, strengthen, empower or diminish.
How many relationships have proved destructive because of poor communication? How many beautiful families are created with the initial expression of the sweetest words?
Interestingly enough, speech is a learned behaviour and not innate, nor intrinsic to the human species. It is solely a learned behaviour. The ability for us humans to communicate in complex ways is one of the aspects of our species that differentiates us from animals. Some of the most magnificently genius animals on earth have varied methods of communicating, but none are by far as complex as that of human speech.
Successful Relationships Have Effective Communication
Communication allows you to express yourself. Words enable us to say who we are, what we want, what we hope for, how we feel and offer clarity to what is going on inside of ourselves and our relationship with the outside world.
Friendliness goes hand in hand with effective communication. When you take an interest in another and are friendly and inquisitive about their life experience, most times, this energy will be reciprocated.
Many relationships fail to succeed due to ineffective communication. Good communication lines that are set up and used, will lead to successful results in any interpersonal dynamic. If there is poor communication, the results will yield poor results. Pretty simple.
How To Establish Good Communication Lines??
1. Take the Time to Talk
Setting a time and place to talk is a huge win and a very easy way to open up and establish solid lines of communication. Making a solid commitment to do so will solve many problems both in the short term and the long term and can prove to prevent the onset of any problems that may arise due to lack of effective communicating.
My dude and I have a 915pm check in when our little love cutie bear child is fast asleep and we chat up any issues or topics that have arisen as parents, individuals, and as a partnership.
If things are chill, there is no need, but if moving elements are affecting our experience, then speaking about them and gaining each others perspectives and points of view allows us to remain informed and on the same page about each others life experience.
Our 20 year plus relationship has seen everything from infidelity to drug abuse to mental illness and the one connective tissue that has allowed us to prevail with success is the ability to communicate effectively after events unfolded and gain the understanding how our lack of doing so while or beforehand lead to the problems themselves.
It has taken some serious work and I came from a conditioning of incommunicados, so I can attest to its efficacy and one’s ability to be able to learn how to communicate effectively. It is a process and it takes an application of work but once you are able to dial it in on your own behalf and in synergy with your closest peeps, you are sitting in a place of empowerment.
That my companions, is a very good vibe.
The bottom line is that if you have the intention to establish quality communication, you have to set aside the time to dial it in.
2. Talk About Good Things To Come and Mutual Interests
Any successful relationship usually comes with a purpose and vision for the future. Talking about your hopes and dreams is a good spring board in which to keep the vibe one of goodness and hope. Dwelling on aspects of the past or things that you can no longer change or do anything about is futile and lends itself to stagnation.
Whomever you are trying to build good communication lines with, establishing mutual interests is a good place to start and speaking about good things to come and your mutuality can generate a good space for a successful exchange and that which can be built upon should both parties dig the vibe.
This is an especially good tip for parents seeking to improve their connections with their teenagers. If you can speak of mutual interests, then you can create a more connected space in which your teen may open up and share with you more freely when they know you can dig their interests too!
3. Do More Listening Than Speaking
Learning the fine art of listening is a good vibe and huge advantage if you want to develop solid lines of communication. If you are unable to listen, then whey would anyone really want to talk to you? Most times, people just want to feel heard and validated. Offering an attentive, listening ear can prove exponentially advantageous to any dynamic.
Establishing solid lines of communication doesn’t necessarily require a good deal of talking. Lending a supportive ear accompanied with supportive body language such as eye contact, sympathetic nodding of understanding and even a light touch of the hand demonstrates a safe space for someone to continue their confiding in you. Sometimes people race to offer solutions and “fix the problem” when in most cases, nothing need be done and the person speaking just needs to feel heard and get their experience expressed in words. Learn to listen. It will prove all kinds of good vibes in your interactions.
4. Refrain From Arguing
You are able to disagree with someone without arguing with them. Entering into any kind of argument creates tension and applies resistance to all that you say and does not lend itself to good lines of communication. Learning to disagree without arguing will allow you to maintain peace.
You have the right to your opinion and your expression of it and this can be done in a respectful and peaceful manner. If you have a tendency to want to be right all the time and defend your arguments at the expense of a solid exchange of differing perspectives, then it would be a wise decision to reflect on self.
Arguments accomplish absolutely nothing.
I know this because in my states of disempowerment and triggered states, nothing good or productive has arisen out of my arguing or speaking in anger. Nothing good at all.
It is unnecessary to dig your heels in and let your strong opinions be known all the time. Sometimes it is best to let things go and allow things to chill if the energy is heated or the discussion becomes antagonistic.
If that doesn’t sound like something that you can dial in then asking questions is a method you can use to demonstrate your disagreement in opinion but without having to argue. Asking probing questions can demonstrate your skepticism or disagreement without you having to say so directly.
Introducing a disagreement from a third party is another way in which you can demonstrate a difference of thought or opinion without it being so confrontational. An example would be “That is interesting, I heard this from this person…what do you think about that?” This allows you to offer a differing viewpoint without personalizing it or taking a firm stance of argumentative disagreement.
Let others have their opinions and practice acceptance of the fact that people do. Everyone is different yet everyone is the same. Such is the beautiful nature of the human existence. Allow others to have their opinions just as you would want others to accept and allow you to have your own. Do not begrudge anyone their opinions, just merely use the information to determine if these are the opinions of someone you want to exchange energy with whether you can reconcile the differences or not.
The success of my long term relationship has been in large part due to my partner and I accepting that we have completely different ways and opinions of our own world views. We communicate about them, rather than impose them on one another and as a result we are both expanded and have created a space of acceptance and understanding.
Communication Methods and Techniques
Not everyone was gifted with the ability to say what they mean and mean what they say and be able to verbally dial that in.
Here are some tools that can assist you with the art of dialing in some solid communication.
1. Ask Questions
Using the tool of asking questions is a good vibe. I know this all too well because this is something I still strive to perfect in regards to my communication. It is a much better vibe than just telling someone directly how you feel. When you asked controlled and well-thought-out questions it allows the person with whom you are speaking to come into the conversation and causes them to look at both sides of the problem or issue. You can convey your feelings, position and perspective through the questions you pose.
Here is an example:
Rather than “I don’t like what you are doing!!” you could go with “Can you tell me about what you are doing there?”
The first statement inspires defensiveness while the second option brings the person to you and puts them on your side.
Ask questions that are important to you or where the answer you seek is meaningful. Your questions will reveal your opinion(s) It is pretty dialled in to ask questions as doing so gives you the forum in a non argumentative manner to relay your own opinions, ideas, perspectives and feelings.
Questions can allow you to make what you need to say with more clarity. Posing questions allows you to determine what the other person is thinking and the intention behind their position in the situation. Questions invite the other person into the conversation in a non confrontational manner and negates defensiveness and aggression.
2. Write it in a Letter
When discussions are emotionally charged or delineating the right words to express yourself can sometimes be challenging for you, writing a letter can be a very effective communication tool.
Letters or notes can have significant advantages over communicating verbally.
It can be beneficial to write a letter so as not to be interrupted. If you are the kind of person who needs to get everything out without interruptions, then writing a letter can prove very useful.
If you are in a relationship state with someone who is reluctant to speak with you or refuses to communicate, then the inclination to read a letter may be well-received and bridge the gap.
Most people will read a letter to the end no matter the polarization of the content. This also allows the reader and the writer to take more time with their thoughts and feelings and the expression of them.
Once you speak words in a heightened state of emotion, they are said and cannot be taken back. Writing letters allows you to sleep on what you have written and reread and revise the next day before sending.
I am a huge fan of letter writing. Given the limited attention span today’s energy seems to generate, I love the use of the written word and a beautifully written and expressed letter. I have an arsenal of snail mail memories collected throughout my life thus far. This contains letters from friends and relatives abroad and are beautiful keepsakes to share with generations to come. The ones from my Grandmother are a great way to keep her presence alive after she passed. There is value to be found in letter writing to various degrees. It would be a good vibe to see if it could work for you.
3. Preserve One’s Honour
This communication technique is a good vibe to reach out to anyone whom you may think feels embarrassed, mocked, lonely or just in an overall low vibe in terms of how communication is being dialled in. People make mistakes and so you do you and so do I. When we don’t let someone “save face” so to speak, then a pressure is applied to them which results in an inevitable retaliation. Humans will defend a wrong position out of mere pride. Their free will and the command of it is more important than truth.
Apply pressure and expect a response. The human spirit and the inherent desire for freedom, acceptance, assurance, validation and respect are responsible for many responses you see in many relationship dynamics. Preserving one’s dignity in any exchange will yield to a less resistant exchange and provide a space for trust and respect to be cultivated.
If you are in a position where the person to whom you are relating has made an error then a demonstration of graciousness on your part will enable them to be more inclined to find peace with you as their dignity and honour have been valued and they are able to concede their position in a more favourable manner to preserving their dignity. Plus, huge integrity points for you!
It’s All Good Vibes & You Dial in What is Right for You
There are so many facets to the art of communication, one could write an entire blog on the subject. Above is an introductory exploration to harness some good vibes in your relationships and your world around you. If you learn skills in communication, it proves exponentially helpful to you and your interactions.
More to come down the pipe but for now and you if you can dig it, implement any of the above and let me know how it rolls for you by leaving a comment below!