GoodVibe October Monthly Feature -Sexologist Kelly McDonnell – Arnold

We are sliding in a little later in the month of October with a  GoodVibe monthly feature with the good vibes of a very vibrant and formidable woman who goes by the name of Kelly McDonnell – Arnold.

This beauty married the youngest of my 3 older brothers and one who shares the same age as me for 2 days of every year.

Since meeting her and having a distant knowledge of her, I recognize with consistency she demonstrates the governance and management of her own light and proves to shine it in the most tremendous ways to elevate and expand those around her.

I have always had a fond respect for the nature of my big brother James and she is a mirror match to the light he carries within.

That is a vibe that thrives and that is a good feel, so onward we go to learn more about this dynamic being in this goodvibe monthly feature 🙂

When I reached out to Miss Kelly with an inquiry as to whether she would be open to doing a feature, she was most responsive and positive about being able to participate.

Kelly is a sex and relationship therapist at a boutique private therapy practice called Bliss Counseling in Uptown Waterloo, Ontario Canada, she is also the sex therapist and co creator of Sexology International with her colleague Jo Flannery.

My interest in sexology has been prevalent in my life since I became and active participant in the lovely dynamics of the exchange of sexual energy and now as a woman in her forties have learned the beautiful and powerful art of the transmutation of such energy to bring about creations of your own intent and choosing.

When you have an expansive and healthy sexual relationship to yourself, then you can dial that in with a partner, or multiple partners depending on your own governance and predilections for things – always remember though, whatever your fancy, you want to be making sure it is 100% consensual for all parties participating.

If there is any doubt, better to ask or say something, than to be regretfully sorry later, as this kind of activity and this kind of energy, is, as I stated, one that holds a good deal of power and in many respects.

My long-standing 20 year relationship has withstood every kind of challenge and situation imaginable and having worked through those challenges with communication and love is what has enabled us to go into our 21st year, but I have always attributed our fundamental success to our sexual connectivity and the loyalty of being able to deliver, receive and reciprocate orgasmic experiences with one another.

Although I have absolutely no interest in Kelly’s sexual experiences with my brother, it does bring me peace and a sense of the good feels to know that he and her do and will continue to share a connected, open and supportive relationship not only because of their love for one another, but their ability to be there fully with one another in expression of that love.

A healthy relationship to the varying aspects of our humanity are beautiful relationships to cultivate and having a companion in which you can be authentically yourself and your expression of that self is a gift in this world and one to be honoured and celebrated.

They are like the poster peeps for a good vibe and give off a thrive vibe.

Being expressive may not be your forte, but in order to have any successful relationship that involves the act of sex, then your own relationship to it, your ability to talk about it and engage in its benefits are hugely empowering practices.

The energy that is sexual energy is a most powerful energy – it is the energy of creation and when you explore it, elevate it, harness it and share it, it proves exponentially expansive for your relationship dynamics with yourself and your partner(s)

I have worked in several industries where I have witnessed married people skip out on their partners because of issues with sexuality.

It is even normalized by way of websites and practices where married people can connect with other married people with the sole intent of a sexual encounter.

Seems very devious and like a good amount of work in the other direction of a person being a good authentic and genuinely good person with integrity.

Truth telling can be scary but it is so necessary for a simple and elevated life.

It is a powerful aspect of any relationship and avoiding it, the topic of it or any issues you are holding within about it, will most inevitably result in disempowerment for your outcomes.

When You Understand, Harness & Work With This Energy, It Is All Kinds Of Magical.

Experience with sexual energy and the power it encompasses – being fond of sex, fond of orgasms and encompassing the state of an expressive person when it comes to your fundamental physiological needs.

These needs of all of ours are natural, they are beautiful and they are worth respecting and heeding this very powerful aspect of which we all hold inside in order to experience and expand to our best and highest selves.

Being able to govern this energy in balance and with integrity and an attitude of growth is an exponential priceless gift you are capable of bestowing yourself.

One need only observe a beautiful voluptuous woman in her nudity or the power/pleasure of a man in an erect state to recognize how wonderfully powerful and amazing human sexuality really is.

Combine the two, wait almost a year and then you have new life.

There is no disputing the authority that resides within this energy.

Whatever your relationship to sexual energy – for procreation or recreation it is a part of our existence we are well to nurture and educate ourselves with the breadth of knowledge the subject offers.

It is an intrinsic part of our species survival and has been packaged and used in manners non indicative of its esteem. This GoodVibe monthly feature hopes to educated and expand your experience. 

Many people have very different views and varying relationships within about human sexuality.

It is a sacred space, that is why when the intrusion on such a space is infiltrated, it proves to leave the most abhorrent stains.

Honouring this aspect of both male and female polarities to our humanity is a service and a reward we are all worthy to receive. This goodvibe monthly feature will take you on a journey into expansion. 

Knowledge is Power and Self Knowledge is Self Empowerment. A GoodVibe monthly feature to distill this truth. 

Who can you turn to if you require some guidance on the subject of your sexuality and your own relationship to it?

Kelly Is The LadyBoss With The Insights. This GoodVibe Monthly Feature is Lit!

Demonstrating class to dial your inquiries in a dignified and respectful manner.

Below you will find the Q&A as we delve into learning a little more about this radiant & successful woman for this goodvibe monthly feature. 

What is your education and experience that has brought you to where you are today?

I have a double degree in Psychology and Sociology, a Masters in Sexology, certificate in Sex Therapy, and an MBA in Healthcare, I am also a Registered Psychotherapist and Registered Social Worker specializing in Sex and Relationship Therapy.

I also offer online LIVE workshops for those who wish to reignite their desire, sexual energy & libido.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to work in the field of sexuality. Everyone close to me was aware of this since grade school, and I was fascinated by anything I could find on the subject.

I was that kid in sex education class who was leaning in, curious, and excited while the others giggled and wanted to hide under their desks.

I was very clear from a young age that I wanted to be a conduit for inspiring others to heal and live a celebrated life full of love.

Personal growth is an ongoing, lifelong process of self-exploration and reclamation.

And I feel humbled and honoured to help others in their journey.

What inspired you to follow this path for your career?

Talking about sex — SO. MUCH. FUN!

It’s one of my turn-ons, so-to-speak. I thought it was outrageous that we were learning about it in school, which was exciting, but then no one was having conversations about it outside the classroom.

It felt strange and confusing to me when I saw how uncomfortable it made everyone feel. And when everyone was denying the fact that they masturbated? Why?

Culturally, there was all this shame and embarrassment. Where we could not talk about it openly without all these odd and uncomfortable sideways looks and short, awkward answers only to change the subject.

I started to really pay attention and became insatiably curious, and explored sexuality on a daily (sometimes hourly) basis. As a consequence and unintended benefit of this way of being in the world, I’d regularly evoke others sexuality, whatever that may be for them — reflections, reactions, feelings, and thoughts.

I have fond memories of my parents allowing me to stay up past my bedtime every Sunday to watch the Sunday Night Sex Show with Sue Johansson. It became my religion.

When I entered high school, sexuality, BIG emotions, and shame were everywhere! I vowed to become a sex and relationship therapist and to always support others, and myself, in creating a lifestyle that allows for thriving relationships and super enjoyable sex lives.

I believe that “the quality of relationships determines the quality of our lives.” And it’s imperative that we spend the time getting to know ourselves in a way where we can continuously discover more of ourselves and build a life where we will always experience acceptance, pleasure, and excitement.

I think it’s important to share on an intimate topic to start a bigger conversation.

Do you travel with the work that you do?

Sometimes. Mostly for training, guest presentations, or to team up with colleagues.

Tell me about your presence in promoting your work? How is that going, what is entailed in the content and how often are you producing content?

I produce a weekly blog and Host a show on Rogers TV called Sex Talk with Kelly, which is a blast. I get to interview people and explore sex and sexuality on the show.

The online blogs include more of my learning’s from being in the therapist’s chair and experiences as opposed to just cranking out another “sex tips and tricks” articles.

What is the most common issue you encounter when it comes to people you counsel in regards to sexual activity in their lives and relationships?

I love the quote “great lovers are made, not born.” So often, people believe amazing sex just happens. However, our wants, needs, and desires can change over time. The most common challenge I work with on a daily basis is Desire Discrepancy, which is when one-person wants sex more or differently than the other person or people. It is SUPER common and happens in almost all relationships.

Sexual interest tends to ebb and flow over time.

It’s not unusual for partners to have different levels of desire at different stages of their relationship.

Usually, there’s an obvious and logical reason for this, for example, the birth of a baby, or a financial setback that has both partners feeling stressed.

But a lack of physical closeness can put a significant strain on a relationship, so it’s important to prevent a temporary dry spell from reaching the level of a no-end-in-sight drought. .

If left unaddressed, differing levels of desire can create an unpleasant relationship dynamic.

Often the higher-desire partner deals with repeated sexual rejection that may impact their self-esteem, while the lower-desire partner can get overwhelmed by sexual pressure and discouraged if they feel like they’re not living up to their partner’s expectations.

What do you think could be implemented today in the education system that would empower young people in terms of their attitudes and governance towards their own sexualities?

We need to drive it home that there is no “normal.” I wish sexuality and diversity was celebrated more.

Sex has been happening since the dawn of time and I strongly believe we need to amp up the importance of pleasure, what influences arousal, consent, and benefits of sexual exploration.

Porn is not a realistic guide to sex. It’s not necessarily bad or shameful; it can be fun and liberating and fun. It exists because it serves a purpose. But it’s important to differentiate porn sex from real sex and not let it lead to unrealistic expectations and pain — just like any other form of media we consume. Gender stereotypes are bullshit and we need to do a better job at supporting students with critical-thinking and decision-making skills, sexual exploring and talking about sex confidently.

Wait until you’re ready. WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? You know what would have been a lot more helpful? Learning how to know when you’re ready and what to do when you are.

To figure out what those answers are for you (because they’ll be different for everyone), ask yourself questions like: Under what circumstances will I feel comfortable and excited about having sex with someone? What do I want (or definitely not want) from my sex life? What’s impacting the way I think about sex and relationships? Etc.

Since a lot of sex ed focuses on penetrative sex (usually in the context of reproduction), it’s worth noting that your own sex life may look nothing like that. Most people don’t necessarily fit into that one model of what counts as sex and there a lot of ways to get pleasure and feel intimate and be satisfied, whether it falls into some silly old idea of what sex is “supposed” to be.

Do you find people are at ease broaching the topic of sexuality –

Is it your experience that the majority of people are comfortable with their sexuality and the discussion of it?

No. In my experience, more than not, people tend to feel uncomfortable talking about sex. For some, it’s because they do not even know how to discuss, and for other’s it brings up feeling of embarrassment, shame, and awkwardness.

What does a healthy amount of sexual activity look like for an older married couple, a younger married couple, a single older man/woman, a single young man/woman, teenagers?

There is no normal. As long as everyone involved is consenting and enjoying themselves.

What are the benefits of having a healthy sexual consciousness? What are the detriments to not having a healthy sexual relationship with the Self?

Sexual health is HEALTH. There are a ton of benefits, improving your immune system (sexuality active people take fewer sick days), reduces pain (bye-bye head ache and period cramps), lowers blood pressure and heart attack risk, improves sleep, eases stress, boosts your libido, improves mood, improves self-esteem, and so much more.

In addition, there are benefits that contribute to the health of one’s relationship as well. For example: it can increase your attractiveness to others because High sexual activity makes the body release more pheromones, chemicals that enhance your appear. This is why the more sex you have with your partner, the stronger your desire will be to have sex with them again.

What are the benefits of having a healthy sexual consciousness? What are the detriments to not having a healthy sexual relationship with the Self?

Sexual health is HEALTH. There are a ton of benefits, improving your immune system (sexuality active people take fewer sick days), reduces pain (bye-bye head ache and period cramps), lowers blood pressure and heart attack risk, improves sleep, eases stress, boosts your libido, improves mood, improves self-esteem, and so much more.

In addition, there are benefits that contribute to the health of one’s relationship as well.

For example: it can increase your attractiveness to others because High sexual activity makes the body release more pheromones, chemicals that enhance your appear. This is why the more sex you have with your partner, the stronger your desire will be to have sex with them again.

Are you familiar with the concept of sexual transmutation of energy and is that something that is a topic of interest in the work that you do?

I am familiar and bring it into my work if I feel it is appropriate. I often refer to tantra practitioners for those wanting to do deeper work in these areas.

What is the most rewarding part of the work that you do?

I am most proud of supporting people in healing themselves. My purpose is to empower others to embrace their sexuality and transform their sex, relationships, and lifestyle.

If you had the world as your audience for 30 minutes to distill to them your wisdom and area of expertise, what would be included in your words to them?

You deserve pleasure! Sex can be FUN and safe to explore. Laugh and make mistakes. Growth happens outside of your comfort zone and great sex (like everything else) takes intentional time and effort. The grass is greener where you water it.

If you could name one aspect of your work that gives you a great sense of accomplishment and satisfaction, what part would that be?

Mustering up the courage to follow and chase my dreams, even when it made some people uncomfortable, gives me a sense of accomplishment.

What are your short term goals?

Personally, I would love to grow my family and play around with lifestyle changes to invite even more pleasure and joy into my life. In regard to my career, diversify, grow, and continue to host online LIVE workshops on rekindling desire in long term relationships.

What are your long term goals?

I am committed to writing a book (topic TBD) AND create a community/space (whatever shape that takes) with sex-positive communication. One that IS safe and inviting to celebrate and explore self, relationships, and sexuality.

What is your life credo and your fundamental intention with the life path you are on?

I need to write one! How have I not done this yet??? Off the top of my head… I have this.

I believe your greatest love affair is you.

I am an explorer and seek to understand.

I approach life and people with compassion and curiosity, and believe my purpose is to empower others to embrace their sexuality and transform their sex and relationships.

I do have a tattoo that says “Until I give, what I came to get.” And a bird and a bee on my rear end 😉

The light that is Kelly is distilling wisdom on the powerful and fundamental aspect of our health and well being.

She is impacting lives and leveling up the collective.

The world is a more vibrant place as a result of her investment into her own Heart & Soul expression. I am appreciative of her investment into this goodvibe monthly feature. 

I send out a huge and sincere shout out of gratitude and apprecaition to the formidable Kelly for her contribution to this goodvibe monthly feature.

Here you will find links should you wish to reach out & connect with this vibrant being:

Book With Kelly at Bliss

Sexology International – Instagram

Personal Instagram

Bliss Counselling Instagram

A goodvibe monthly feature to pop up random style in the future. Hope you gained from this one!