Home1. BEING HUMANEmpower your Kids With The Right Words – How You Talk Shapes Their Sense of Self
July 9, 2019
Empower your Kids With The Right Words – How You Talk Shapes Their Sense of Self
Are You Consciously Aware of How You Are Speaking to Your Children?
This is a post that comes on the heels of witnessing a good amount of disempowering language overheard in a variety of different social situations in which a parent completely diminishes and deteriorates their childs own sense of self and inherent worth within and not even being aware that they are doing it.
This post, however, is not about blame or pointing fingers.
Nothing good can ever be accomplished by a focus on what is undesired.
Best to keep the mind focus upon what we would like to vibe with and also, what gives off the goodfeels and encompasses expansion, support and compassion.
We are all human and we are all governed by the same laws.
Whether you practice spirituality and can buy into whether we are indeed star stuff, one need only be human for a good portion of time to understand our connectivity, whether it be through feeling, intuition, words or actions, the humanity that we contain within us, is contained within every other human being on this planet regardless of their origin or experience.
Countries, government, religion and politics project a modality of separation but the truth is we are all one human species living on one planet. On some level we are all impacted by words, actions and feeling states – these are aspects of our own connectivity to ourselves.
Awareness and knowledge are abundant, but a good portion of the time, people just go with what they are told and have already been taught rather than cultivate their own individual thoughts and beliefs based on the internal guiding and beautiful synchronicity of their individual Heart and Mind.
This is what causes patterns and cycles of behaviour and limited emotional intelligence to be repeated and recycled with very little expansion.
Expansion is the name of the game.
We can gain in this game using the simple and creative tool of language.
When a person gains an insight into the creative and empowering practices one can easily implement in their daily lives just through the use of their language, then it is a huge game changer – for everyone involved.
Just yesterday I was enjoying time with my son and we were at a set of ping pong tables in the park and a young fella of 8 or 9 was standing in between the tables yelling at his friends that they were losers, disappointments and annoying.
I wondered what kind of environment this child has been subjected to in order to be using language of this nature and comfortably expressing himself in this way as completely normal and okay.
It is astounding to me how humans normalize the diminishment of themselves and others whether it be sarcastic jokes, under handed comments or chemicals and pesticides that are inclusive in a modality that claims to provide health and nourishment.
It’s a weird vibe too, that scientists prove to us that the entirety of our existence is made up of energy, yet there is very little discussed or applied in terms understanding this fundamental truth of which we all are subjected to.
I am sensitive to energy and vibration due to my physiological nurturing in my youth and as a result, when someone is spewing negativity and all around low vibes, it impacts me to the degree I either have to leave or address it.
I let it be for a little while, but the negative language and diminishing nature of the words were proving the opposite vibe of me and my little guy there looking to generate some vibrant good feels. Now to each their own with their modus of operandi but social responsibility entails understanding the impact your actions, words and expression of emotion have on the collective.
Once this other little dude yelled quite harshly at his buddy that he was a being fat loser, I stopped playing and addressed the three of them. I asked the guy questions.
What do you gain by being mean to your friend?
Do you think you yourself are a loser, and that is why you deem everyone around you a loser too?
What do you think would happen if, instead of diminishing and being harsh to your friends, you supported and uplifted them?
They all just stood there with their mouths open and not much was responded to and then we all just naturally went back to our own games – the energy had shifted and then I no longer heard the ranting and ravings of such diminishment continue.
A mum came up to me afterwards and said she agreed with me and thanked me for saying something.
It is a goodvibe to be supportive of one another rather than diminishing one another, even if it is directed as jest, there is far too much information in today’s world for people to not realize how hurtful and impactful diminishing and negative language has on the Spirit of a living, electromagnetic, water influenced human being.
A good portion of people use diminishment as a form of humour but in actual fact, even said in jest can be very hurtful to someone, especially if that someone is still developing their own identity and sense of self.
There have been so many new developments and understandings about the nature of our species and our creative abilities to govern and direct our own lives in empowering, purposefully and intentionally directed manners.
When this information is available to us in order to enhance and optimize our life experience, then being with the knowledge – which means reading about it, and then applying it in actual application of the ideas and information presented.
Can you really know something without the tangible experience of it?
You may say yes, but experience is the foundational structure to wisdom – knowledge is absorbed through the senses and not just the thoughts of the Mind.
Another example I witnessed was two evenings past and I was walking in from taking in the recycling and two women were walking with a little girl who looked like she was 5 or 6 years old and she was in some serious dis regulation. She was hysterical and cowering her body into the leg of one of the women walking. They passed by me and the women were forcing/coaxing the girl forward to the park across the street, but she wasn’t having any of it and she looked petrified. With force in her tone, the woman said it wasn’t good that the girl was crying and that no one wants to hear a cry baby and just be happy she is going to the park.
I looked at the little girl and I said ” I bet you just need a big hug and be held for a few minutes and someone tells you it’s all going to be okay, hey?”
Then I looked at the woman closest to the girl and said “You could regulate that action with a hug. Calm her down and then have her absorb going to the park. What do you think?”
The woman looked at me like I had two heads, dragged the crying girl onward and as they walked away, the little girl now had her head turned to me with longing eyes – my intuition tells me, she would have been all kinds of solid if that 5 minutes was taken to get down to her level, make her feel LOVE, connect with her and let her know that the world is not as scary as she feels it is in that moment.
So what can we do?
It is not my intention to harp on people who are misaligned with their heart space but the observation of such occurrences is informational.
Here is a Great Way to Empower Your Kids when Talking to them about ANYTHING.
Don’t make it about who they are.
Read that again.
Instead of making it about WHO THEY ARE, make it about WHAT THEY ARE DOING.
How does this sound.
“Stop doing that! What are you doing! Ugh, I can’t believe you!!!”
versus how this sounds:
“What are you doing there? Do you see the impact you are having with what you are doing there? I am surprised that such a focused and responsible girl/boy would do such an irresponsible thing. Why did you think it was okay to do this?”
The prime difference between the two statements above are that the first one is reactive and fueled with emotion and the second one is responsive and fueled with understanding and compassion.
Having a good awareness of our emotional states and the handling of them.
The thing with kids, and in truth, a good portion of adults is that they need guidance for approval and their own sense of self.
A child’s gig is to learn, explore, create, emote, move, and basically just be and have a ton of fun exploring who they are in relation to the world around them.
The adult’s job is to guide and nurture the child.
Many times adults get kids to conform to the adult flow of life. I, take it upon myself, to adhere to the flow of my child’s life. In the first seven years of life, a child is developing their root chakra.
It provides them with a sense of security, love and value in themselves, their feelings of safety and assuredness. The brain state of a human being is usually in theta at this age – the imagination station of the brain.
Have you ever immersed yourself in the imaginings of a young child?
I tell you, it is a most fascinating ride, if you allow yourself the time to slow down and with mindful and focused attention in the present moment to connect to the discoveries and perceptions that exists within the fertile network a healthy child’s beautiful brain.
You teach kids by your thoughts, words, deeds and how you emote to them and about them. If you think poorly of yourself, how will you ever uplift your child?
That is dishonest.
Maintaining an authentic and right relationship within the Self is a worthwhile pursuit for any human being, parent or not, however if you are a parent then it is your duty to be modeling the optimal way of living for your child.
We live in a societal structure, that if thought about, hasn’t really been fundamentally designed to support and nurture our heart space aspect of our humanity.
Things are shifting towards this modality with the awakening of many people globally, but a good portion of the human population is still under the impression that success only happens to a few and that fame and fortune are elusive – we consume, consume, consume – whether it be media, fast food, shopping, sex…if you can name it, you can have a relationship with it.
A Proposition of Connecting with the Relationship We Have Within Ourselves.
How do you frame your experiences? Are you able to accept a compliment easily? Are you aware of your self talk? How do you frame your capabilities? Your appearance? The shape of your body? Your self-worth?
The “I can’t do that!” , “I know my limits!” , “Oh, that would never be me!” are items on your self talk list that need get abolished.
Taking time to actually think about these things and where your focus goes when you are left with your thoughts is the material of life changing productivity.
History has texts and texts of all kinds of different philosophies and religions that denote the importance and impact that words have on our lives. The water test is the perfect example of how we shape our realities with the words that we use and the attitudes that we keep.
This is a technique that takes a little bit of practice and good amount of self awareness.
Self awareness is important because if you are not even aware that you have these limiting thought and word patterns, then you cannot become conscious about fixing them.
Here is an easy checklist you can refer to in regards to how you relate and communicate to your child(ren):
1. YOUR WORDS – YOUR LANGUAGE:
Is it honest? Is it sincere? Is it kind? Is it thoughtful? This is the vibe that lets kids thrive. Words cultivated mindfully and from the heart space are words that are elixirs to your child’s Spirit and overall nourishment.
Words that diminish, are cruel, sarcastic and unkind are words that create nothing but a stain on the humanity of your child. Mindful language is a huge investment with massive payoffs.
Diminishing and hurtful language is problematic on so many levels for a developing little being.
LOVE and KINDNESS can be the fundamental infrastructure in which you can springboard your conversations when it comes to connecting with kids.
2. YOUR STATE OF BEING AND REGULATION:
Are you chill? Are you connected and calm? Are you in your heart centre or are you an emotional reactive robot?
Governing your own being and your emotional responses to your child’s behaviour and responses should be governed independently from the emotions of your child.
As the ambassador to your child, your own state of being in a regulated and calm vibe will keep your kids calm and easier to guide.
3. SEE THINGS FROM THEIR PERSPECTIVE AND HAVE APPROPRIATE EXPECTATIONS:
Checking in to see where your child is at developmentally is a wise investment.
Sometimes, most often, your child is not purposely trying to work against you.
Most of the time they are just trying to figure out the world around them and it is your job to help them dial that in.
If you request something of your child and they are non responsive or not focused, then a demonstration of action and words and an explanation as to why you need them to do what you have asked to them is a far more effective tool than “because I told you so” and becoming irritated with their not helping you.
Empowering your child with information and knowledge is key to getting them to understand how you want them to integrate these skills within your family/home dynamic.
It takes mindful awareness and an investment of time and patience, but the rewards you reap are exponential.
A good gauge is to spend a little time reflecting on the influences you received as a child in your formative years. Were you told you were too much of this, and not enough of that?
People are inherently made to love, be nurtured and expand.
When we humans go about and behave and express ourselves with the nothing but what we have been taught by the generation before us, then expansion is unable to occur.
Knowledge, learning, education, curiosity, interest, self discovery – these are all aspects of ourselves we have the capacity and availability to expand upon…and it in this internet age, free. The only question becomes then, is why wouldn’t you choose to expand?
Being a conscious participant in life, especially a conscious parent means that you understand that the manner in which you approach and engage your children is ALWAYS done from the heart space and in a loving, connected and kind energy.
The brain thrives on connectivity and love in terms of its optimal functionality and its ability to regulate your emotional intelligence. Being a punitive and diminishing parent in an effort to gain the results you desire with your children is lazy parenting and leaves a remarkable and imprint on your child presently and for their adult years to come.
Get off your phone.
A child wants nothing more to explore, learn and connect. You are their primary care giver and if you take them to the park and have your nose in your phone, what kind of message do you think that conveys to the importance and worth of your child?
Your attention full on a technological device versus present moment awareness with another living being of your own creation?
Priorities are a good vibe to delineate when it comes to being a conscious and responsible parent.
Otherwise, what is the point in all that work you have invested bringing this child into the world?
What kind of relationship fundamentals are you laying down in your family structure that supports and nourishes your children?
Cell phone usage and attention is not on that list.
The day and age we live in has normalized the over usage of technology.
Technology is very useful and an awesome thing.
So is being human and connecting with your children.
Setting parameters and boundaries are imperative to healthy modality of living for yourself and your children.
The whole deal is that we are connected in everything.
Encompassing good health means supporting mental health too.
The way you speak to your children is important. Being more aware and conscious about the tone, the words and the physical attention you provide while conveying these words (crouching down to their eye level, listening to their opinions and the way they see things, connecting with compassion and understanding versus a punitive and reactive approach.) is HUGE.